Are You Bored?: How To Figure Out What You’re Really Feeling
Have you ever been bored? (If you haven't...please teach me your ways).
Honestly, we've probably all been a little bored from time to time. Maybe you're even bored reading this article...(don't answer that).
I used to work in a residential substance use treatment center. “I was bored” was the #1 response people gave me when I asked what led them to relapse. Without fail, someone would return to the center after using their substance of choice again and cite "boredom" as their reason. I always found this SO fascinating and just way too simple of an answer.
What it did teach me though is that boredom is really uncomfortable for a lot of us. It's a term that we use to describe a feeling or a situation that we want to escape. It's the word that we use when we're feeling something and don't necessarily know what it is, how to label it, and what to do with it. It's a loaded word.
When you're bored, you are probably experiencing:
high arousal (like anxiety, not being able to relax, feeling restless)
low arousal (numbed out, disconnected, or disengaged from yourself or your surroundings)
a disconnect from who you are, your surrounding, or your values
Boredom is still a pretty new area of research and we have a lot of trouble defining what it even means, especially because it means so many different things to so many people. If you ask someone to define boredom, they’ll probably give you a totally different definition than the next person. How do you define boredom?
Here are some of the main reasons why we get bored:
monotony - doing the same tasks over and over or being in an environment where everything is too predictable and repetitive
completing tasks that are too easy or too hard for our current skillset
personality - some people need more novelty or excitement than others
issues with attention - people who meet criteria for ADHD are more likely to experience boredom due to their inability to concentrate for extended period of time
a lack of self awareness - if you don't know what you want or what will make you happy, you're more likely to get bored
feeling trapped or stuck
too much downtime - boredom is often seen as a "rich people" problem
Is there one or a few of these that tend to spark boredom in you the most?
Boredom is also a call to action. It gets you to move and start something. It's not always a bad thing. In my clinical work, boredom that leads to destructive behaviors or bad outcomes usually shows up as:
That feeling you get when you’re trapped and you have no options. You’ll do anything to escape or change your situation or the feeling.
That feeling when your nervous system is in overdrive and you just need a place to put your energy or relief.
Your nervous system slowing down so much that you need and crave stimulation, so you search for it in dangerous or unhelpful places.
Responding to boredom in unhelpful or harmful ways usually happens because we don't know what else to do, we don't have resources, we don't know what to do, we're completely emotionally flooded and can't effectively make decisions.
How can I use feeling bored to make me more productive and in tune with my values or goals?
Figure out when you're becoming bored. Track this feeling and make a list of when it shows up most often.
Think about what other feelings might be underneath the boredom. It might be helpful to make a list of this, too. Here are some examples:
3. Get in touch with your values, what you want from life, & what your goals are. When you are living in accordance with your values and goals, it feels much more fulfilling and less boredom shows up.
4. Assess if there's anything else going on here. Depression, anxiety, ADHD and PTSD can all lead to a sense of "boredom," but there's much more going on here. I recommend meeting with a licensed mental health professional to discuss this.
5. Use boredom as fuel. Boredom can push you to act and make changes. Think about when the boredom is showing up and how, then make changes to your life that will help alleviate that.
6. Remember that it's ok to be still and do nothing. You don't always have to be stimulated or engaged in a task. It's helpful (maybe even with a professional) to learn how to just be with yourself.
If you’re constantly feeling bored, it might be worth looking into why that’s happening. Therapy can be a great place to explore those feelings and look deeper. For Florida residents I offer online video therapy. Feel free to send me an email to learn more!
Whit