How To Help Someone Who Is Suicidal: What To Say, What To Do, And Resources
Did you watch the Oprah interview with Meghan and Harry? While I was watching, I stated thinking about all the ways that we can support each other, especially those struggling with suicidal thoughts. I will be talking about suicide prevention in this post. Please do not feel pressured to read if that's not a topic you can focus on right now.
Despite all the research on suicidality, we still don't have a full understanding of exactly why people follow through with suicide and what exact signs always lead to suicide. This means that we have to approach each case with a lot of caution. We do know several ways that we can screen for suicide and several approaches that seem to lessen the risk.
If you know someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations, there are ways to help. One of the first things you need to establish when helping someone with their mental health is the level of risk. Look out for things like:
Hallucinations: Hearing voices or seeing things that are not there, especially when the hallucinations are suggesting self-harm or harm to others.
Suicidal thoughts: A preoccupation with or threats of suicide. If they have access to the means and/or a plan, the risk is very high.
Not able to care for themself: Declining to take care of basic needs, including sleep, eating, personal cleanliness, taking medications, or keeping up with their living space would indicate a mental health evaluation may be necessary and that there is potentially a threat to the person’s life.
Substance use: Excessive substance use that incapacitates a person or causes them to physically or emotionally harm others or themselves may be cause for concern.
The presence of any of these signs may indicate an increased risk for suicidality.
Then you can evaluate risk level. Here are some common signs:
Talking about suicide — "I'm going to kill myself," "I wish I were dead" or "I wish I hadn't been born"
Planning and gathering what they need - buying a gun or stockpiling pills.
Wanting to be left alone.
Having mood swings, like being emotionally high one day and deeply discouraged the next
Preoccupation with death, dying or violence
Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation
Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
Changing normal routine
Doing risky or self-destructive things, such as using drugs or driving recklessly
Giving away belongings or getting affairs in order when there is no other logical explanation for doing this
Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again
Developing personality changes
What are your options if you recognize some of these signs?
Each of these options has there own pros and cons, depending on the person, their identity, experience with the mental health system, and their level of functioning in the moment. There is no one perfect option. You can choose what is the best plan for you based on the person and their access to resources.
Don't leave the person alone.
Call 911 or your local emergency number right away. Or, if you think you can do so safely, take the person to the nearest hospital emergency room.
Try to find out if they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Tell a trusted family member or friend right away.
If a friend or loved one talks or behaves in a way that makes you believe he or she might attempt suicide, don't try to handle the situation alone. Get help from a trained professional as quickly as possible. The person may need to be hospitalized until the suicidal crisis has passed. You can contact their therapist if they have one.
Encourage the person to call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.
Remember that you are not a crisis line or their therapist. Here are some things you can do to support someone who is talking about suicide as a friend or family member.
Encourage them to call a suicide hotline number
Encourage the person to seek treatment.
Offer to help them get assistance and support.
Believe them.
Encourage them to communicate with you.
Be supportive and understanding, and express your opinions without blame.
Listen attentively and avoid interrupting.
Be respectful and acknowledge their feelings.
Don't try to talk the person out of his or her feelings or express shock.
Ask questions
Never promise to keep someone's suicidal feelings a secret.
Offer reassurance that things can get better.
Encourage them to avoid alcohol and drug use.
Remove potentially dangerous items from the person's home.
Try to avoid platitudes like "don't worry you'll be fine," "you have so much to be grateful for!" and "don't cry."
I know that supporting someone who is suicidal can be really hard. A few reminders,
you can't help everyone - don't be afraid to bring in more support (personal or professional)
it's ok to set boundaries
sometimes the things you do to help will make people upset
you cannot change people
people have to engage in their own healing and treatment
it's not your fault
empathy, compassion, and boundaries are your best friend
For more information on this topic, The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is a trusted resource.