What To Do When You're Lonely

I remember when I moved to Miami several years ago. I was so lonely. I used to walk my dog around Brickell just to be around people (not kidding). It took me over a year to make a real group of friends. I was exhausted, alone, and didn’t want anyone to know.

Honestly, I’m scared to look back at my google history because I know I searched “how to make friends in new city” late one night. Loneliness is no joke. You can feel lonely in a crowd, or in the 4 walls of your empty apartment. Loneliness kills. It breeds on itself.

This is because human connection is primal and necessary. We literally need relationships to survive. Research shows that our need to connect socially is as basic as our need for food, water and shelter. This means being socially connected is essential to our survival.

Loneliness also makes it harder for us to self-regulate and causes us to feel unsafe. Lonely individuals see the world as a more threatening place, expect more negative social interactions, and remember more negative social information.

When we’re lonely, we have to do the exact opposite of what that voice may tell us. We can silence it through our actions – even when it’s really, really hard.

Ways to Create More Connection When You’re Feeling Lonely

  • Be present with the person you’re with

  • Use people’s names

  • Spend time around people that fill you up

  • Work on your own inner world

  • Set boundaries

  • Listen

  • Ask creative questions

  • Be vulnerable when it feels safe for you

  • Practice

  • Make an effort to keep in touch

  • Get out of your own head

  • Talk about things that matter to you

Sometimes like throws us a curve ball – whether it’s a pandemic, getting sick, moving to a new city, or having to change the type of people you hang out with. You may have to augment how you seek connection. I know it’s not easy.

If you’re feeling lonely today, reach out. Get outside. Go to a coffee shop and just be around people. Go to a workout class. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Call a therapist. Join a club. Text a friend and tell them you love them. Call your mom. Join an online support group. Interact with like-minded people online.

Miami Therapist for Loneliness

If you’re in Miami and looking for a therapist to help you manage feelings of loneliness, we can help. Please complete the form below and we’ll be in touch as soon as possible!

Whitney Goodman