How To Deal With Negative People
You probably have a person in your life that you think is very negative (maybe this person is you). It feels like no matter what happens in their life, they can’t seem to look on the bright side.
Why Are They So Negative?
We have so many thoughts everyday. They’re endless. A few minutes ago I was wondering when the lawn company was going to come cut my grass and then I started thinking about my dog’s next vet appointment. Our thoughts are often meandering, meaningless, and endless. So how do we know which thoughts to trust?
The problem with thoughts is that we decide which thoughts to give weight to and often the thoughts we choose are the most harmful or negative. This is because of the negativity bias. The negativity bias is our tendency to register negative stimuli more readily and to dwell on these events.
The Negativity Bias Shows That We Tend To:
Remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones
Think about negative things more frequently than positive ones
Respond more strongly to negative events than to equally positive ones
Recall insults better than praise
React more strongly to negative stimuli
We also tend to learn more from negative experiences and make decisions based on negative information instead of positive data. This means that we are also more motivated to complete a task when it will prevent us from losing something. Negative news is also more believable than positive news.
Why Are We So Negative?
Our tendency to pay more attention to the bad stuff and over look the good stuff isn’t by accident – it’s a product of evolution. Way back when, paying attention to the bad, dangerous parts of the human existence was literally a matter of life or death. The people who could sense danger and react quickly were much more likely to survive. The world has changed a lot since then, but our brains have stayed very much the same.
Neuroscience has also shown that there is greater neural processing in the brain when presented with negative stimuli. In studies conducted by psychologist John Cacioppo,people were shown pictures of either positive, negative, or neutral images. Negative images produced a much stronger response in the cerebral cortex than the positive or neutral images. This confirms the belief that we are much more likely to remember and focus on negative stimuli or thoughts.
How To Challenge Your Thoughts
Pay extra attention to good things. We know that noticing the good stuff is much harder. This means that you really need to pay attention when something good happens and attempt to integrate it. Make sure you really take it in, focus on how it feels, even write it down! Writing it down can help you integrate the memory, focus on it, and you can look back on it in the future to remember some of the good.
Monitor your self talk. Self-talk is often at the root of a lot of our negative thinking. We say things like, “I’ll never succeed” or “everyone hates me.” Whenever you have thoughts like this, see if you can pay attention to them and question them. These thoughts are never black and white.
Reframe the situation. If you find yourself looking at something in a very black and white way, see if you can reframe it or look at it from a different angle. We call this putting your thoughts on trial. Pretend that you are a lawyer and investigate your thoughts. Would they stand up in trial beyond a reasonable doubt?
Look for the grey. Again, if you find yourself looking at something as all negative, look for the grey. Is there anything that you might be wrong about here? Is there anything that you can question or look for the grey area on?
Miami Therapist Can Help With Your Thoughts
If you’re tired of feeling so negative and would like to work on some of your thoughts, one of our therapists can absolutely help you with this. Please email us to be matched with one of our member therapists.