How To Parent Yourself While Parenting Your Kids
People say parenting is the hardest and most rewarding thing you’ll ever do. For those of you that were parentified as a child or didn’t have the best role models while growing up, parenting your own children can bring up difficult and uncomfortable emotions. You may be re-parenting yourself while you parent your child.
Re-parenting has become a buzz-word lately. Simply put, reparenting is when we act like our own parent. This means providing ourselves with moments of love, structure, fun, creativity, joy, and more. We give our adult selves everything that we needed or wanted as a child. You can become the parent you always wanted.
The best way to heal your children is to heal yourself.
Children often become containers for parent’s emotional pain. This is not done on purpose or consciously. It happens beneath our awareness and helps us maintain a facade security and peace. It doesn’t mean we should “blame our parents.” But it shows us how emotional pain can be transferred from person to person without us even noticing.
Unfortunately, this projection of the parent’s fears onto the child often reinforces the perceived issue with the child. The child becomes more anxious. The problem continues to grow.
This also prevents the parents from fixing their own relationship. Instead of looking inside, they move the problem to the external. The child becomes a container, it’s “the situation with the child. not us.” This temporarily alleviates problems in the marriage, often until children leave the nest or a child gets better.
The best thing you can do is focus on your own behavior. When we change personal behavior, the environment in and the child will change.
Here are some ways to start reparenting yourself today:
set a bedtime
develop a routine and stick to it
set boundaries
identify your needs
go on a walk
play
laugh
watch a movie
do something just because it’s fun
tell someone how you feel
be vulnerable with someone you trust
validate your own needs and feelings
give yourself a hug
spend time in nature
make a meal that makes you feel good
make an appointment with a therapist