You Don't Have To Forgive To Heal

We are obsessed with forgiveness. It has been marketed as the golden ticket to healing and emotional freedom.

Forgiveness can be good for your health, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do it and it doesn’t mean it it’s the only way to heal. In fact, it is completely possible to move on or heal from trauma without forgiving someone. Forcing yourself to forgive can be even more harmful.

Forgiveness is not justice. When trauma survivors are forced into forgiveness because it’s “the right thing to do” or the only path towards healing, we place the burden on them.

We enforce this idea that they need to be the bigger person. They need to reach out and offer forgiveness, this is the only way they will find peace. When people forgive to quickly or their forgiveness isn’t genuine, they are left feeling confused, isolated, and defective.

You do not need to forgive to move on.

You do not need to forgive to heal your trauma.

If you choose to forgive or to move on, do it on your terms and in your own time. Forgiveness doesn’t have to be something we ask for directly. It doesn’t mean that what the other person did was okay or that there won’t be consequences for their actions. It also doesn’t have to lead to reuniting with the person that caused you harm. It may actually be unhealthy or dangerous to have that person in your life.

You can opt out of forgiveness and still confront what happened to you and understand where you are now. You can look at the growth and the pain you’ve experienced. Maybe you’ll try to find an answer to why the person did what they did – you may not ever find one. You can relinquish the hold this has over your life while still holding someone accountable for their actions.

If you have chosen to forgive and it worked for you, that’s amazing. If it didn’t work for you, you don’t have to forgive your abuser to live a full, healthy life.

Therapy can help. – Miami Counseling and Therapy

If you would like to work on how your past is influencing your future, therapy may be helpful. Our member therapists are equipped with the tools to help you move forward or forgive on your own timeline. Feel free to give us a call or send an email to be matched with a therapist today.