When You Want To Contact Your Ex, Try This Instead
Everything always looks better in a memory, right?
I have been talking about this a lot with people lately.
Loneliness, insecurity, and lack of control will have us searching for life rafts to grab onto. Exes and old relationships are so close in reach. We know we felt comfortable with this person before, there’s hope that you’ll find what you’re looking for again.
I get it. I want to validate it because it makes absolute total sense.
But if you have a little voice in the back of your head that’s saying “ehhhh…Idk if we should do this.” Or you probably wouldn’t be thinking about this person if there wasn’t a giant pandemic looming in the back of your mind, it might be time to take a pause.
If you’re thinking about reaching out to an ex or someone you had a toxic dynamic with in the past, you might want to try this first.
validate the feeling. It’s normal to want to reach out or rekindle something when you’re feeling lonely or another distressing feeling. “I get why I feel like this.”
take inventory. Review why you haven’t been speaking to this person. Why did the relationship take a pause? Why was this boundary set? Has anything changed since then? Will this relationship be able to give you what you’re searching for?
pause. No feeling lasts forever. Take a moment to write the message that you want to send to the person. Text it to yourself or a friend, or save it in your notes. Look at it again tomorrow and decide if you want to send it.
look for the root emotion. Is something else triggering this feeling? Sometimes we miss a person because they represent an even deeper feeling of abandonment, loneliness, or pain. Could this be about something else?
If you’re feeling lonely or confused right now, so are we.
Speaking with a therapist can really help you process those feelings and get to a place of “ok” during this confusing times. Our member therapists are here and ready to help. Please don’t hesitate to contact us – we’ll match you with the right person for you