What To Say When Someone Dismisses You

I am a therapist and I have invalidated people.

I have never intended to hurt them, but I still did.

I’ve put my foot in my mouth by telling someone they look amazing when they really wanted me to recognize how awful they were feeling.

There are people who seek to hurt, invalidate, criticize, and demean. 

But there are also people who are genuinely trying to help. They’re excited about giving you that new “cure.” They really do think you look great. They want to take away your pain.

I know that might not change how it feels on your end.

I talk a lot about dismissive positivity. But that might look different for all of us. We have the power to educate and teach people what feels dismissive to us, as long as they’re willing to listen.

If anyone says something to you that feels like dismissive positivity, I hope you’ll respond when you feel comfortable.

It’s ok to say

• “I know you’re trying to help. I feel like you don’t see me when you say that.”

• “I know you want to fix this. I just need you to be with me right now.”

• “Can you listen before you respond? That would really help me.”⠀⠀⠀⠀

Not everyone will be open to learning, but I think you’d be surprised how many people in your corner would be thrilled to hear how they can best support you.