What To Do When Someone You Love Relapses
When an addict decides to stop using or get treatment, relief sets in and the family can take a breath. Finally the nightmare is over. It pains me to say this, but relapse in addiction is highly likely. Once someone gets clean, they must work diligently to remain sober. It is important that families understand this reality and prepare for relapse accordingly.
Relapse rates in addiction treatment are between 40 and 60 percent. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, roughly 90% of people with alcoholism relapse within 4 years after completing treatment. Rates of addiction relapse are very similar to rates of relapse with other chronic diseases like hypertension, asthma, or type I diabetes. In fact, relapse is a normal part of the recovery process.
Why Do People Relapse?
A relapse is when someone begins using after a period of sobriety. Relapse is most likely to happen within the first 90 days following treatment, but continues to remain high throughout the first 5 years of sobriety.
Addiction is a chronic brain disease that requires lifelong treatment and individuals relapse for a variety of reasons. They may have difficulty adjusting to life in sobriety, struggle with managing uncomfortable emotions, or continue to spend time in the same places, with the same people, doing the same things. According to Terence Gorski, relapse happens long before a person gets high or takes their first drink. There are usually a series of decisions leading up to the relapse that may not be obvious to the individual or the people around them.
What Can I Do When A Relapse Happens?
Whether relapse happens after 10 years or 10 months of sobriety, it is painful for both the individual and the people in their life. You may be terrified that your loved one will never return to recovery or that you will lose them entirely. There are some steps you can take to minimize damage.
1. Keep Yourself Safe: Drug and alcohol abuse are associated with increased violence and risk taking behavior. If someone you know relapses, make sure that you are safe. If violence happens in your home or drugs use is happening around your children, you need to protect yourself.
2. Connect With Your Support System: After a relapse happens, you might be embarrassed and want to hide this from others. Remember that hiding someone’s addiction only enables them and prevents them from getting help. You are allowed to rely on your support system and ask them for help.
3. You Didn’t Cause It, You Can’t Control It, You Can’t Cure It: Repeat the mantra over and over. The addict in your life did not relapse because you got in an argument or because you weren’t helpful. Relapse is a natural part of addiction and it is not your fault.
4. Offer Support: Do not be punitive or argumentative after a relapse. Calling them an idiot, worthless, or any other names will only hurt the situation. Offer words of encouragement and be kind, “I love you and I am here for you. I will help you get through this.”
5. Encourage Calling Support: Sometimes the individual who has relapsed will be too embarrassed to speak with their family or friends about their relapse. Encourage them to reach out to a sponsor, therapist, or recovery coach that they trust and respect.
6. Attend A Meeting: You may benefit from attending an Alanon meeting or offer to attend an AA meeting with your loved one for support.
7. Don’t Panic: A relapse is not the end. Do not assume that this slip will cause your life to be destroyed. Step back and take a moment to assess the situation, make a plan, and take action. After a relapse is an excellent to time to take an inventory of your current situation. Look back at the last few days, weeks, and months. Were there any situations that may have triggered the relapse? Did you notice a change in behavior? This is not a time to blame certain situations or people, but a time to assess coping skills and make a stronger relapse plan for the future.
Please make sure to put yourself first. It is not your job to fix the person or the situation; this is their battle and they must remain accountable. You are allowed to offer as much or as little support as you wish when someone in your life relapses. Each time you are faced with a difficult decision: accept the alcoholic/addict as they are, take a time out, or walk away from the relationship. Every relapse brings new things to light and sometimes it is too much to handle. You have permission to evaluate each situation and each relapse and make the decision you are comfortable with.