This Is When You Should Get Couple's Counseling
Couples usually enter my office for couple’s therapy after they have tried everything else. According to relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait for an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. Six years!? Ouch.
Conflict is healthy, and relationships ebb and flow over the years. It is crucial that couples realize that they will have conflict. It is inevitable. In fact, the couples who worry me the most are the ones that say “we never fight.”
In Gottman’s book The Relationship Cure, he states: “It’s not that these couples don’t get mad or disagree. It’s that when they disagree, they’re able to stay connected and engaged with each other. Rather than becoming defensive and hurtful, they pepper their disputes with flashes of affection, intense interest, and mutual respect.” Arguing or disagreeing with your spouse can bring you closer if handled correctly.
An excellent time to attend couple’s therapy is when:
you want to learn skills and tools to have an even better marriage or relationship
one of you thinks you need counseling for any reason, even if the other person does not
you feel stuck and are out of ideas to improve the relationship
one or both of you feels sexually or emotionally disconnected
you refuse to address conflict in your relationship, especially chronic conflict
you think you may be happier with another partner
there has been infidelity, emotional or physical, and you both want to remain in the relationship
Couple’s therapy can help you:
identify toxic communication patterns in the relationship
learn new ways to view conflict in the relationship and find resolutions
rebuild trust
rebuild the friendship between you and your partner
determine whether you should remain in the relationship or separate
improve intimacy
work on financial issues
Couples can benefit from couple’s therapy at any stage in the relationship. Although, I prefer you come in before things get out of hand, any time really is better than never. Many couples seek counseling as a preventative measure (these couples are great!). They are often able to get results prior to the conflict getting out of hand.