The Most Dangerous Lie You Can Tell Yourself

“It’s just the way I am” can become one of the most dangerous lies you tell yourself and others about who you are as a person.

“I’m just an anxious person.”

“I’m not a people person.”

“It’s just my sense of humor.”

“My mom was an addict, I am too. It’s just the way I am.”

You are a product of your experiences, the environment, the people you interact with, your genetics and your daily habits. You are constantly being molded and influenced. You are not a fixed entity.

When you change those things, you will change as well.

A recent study found that “actively engaging in behaviors designed to change one’s personality traits does, in fact, predict greater amounts of trait growth across time.”

The study also found that people who didn’t actively try to change their personalities intensified their “disliked trait.” So people who wanted to be more extroverted got more introverted, etc.

Researchers aren’t sure how to explain this result, but they suspect it might have something to do with defeatism. Those who didn’t successfully complete the challenges felt worse, and likely hopeless.

If you want to change something about yourself, you have to work for it.

We don’t all have to change. Some of us need to change our surroundings and spend more time with people who accept us as we are. It’s up to you to decide what you need.

But, when you respond with, “it’s just the way I am.” Are you really trying to say something else?

How would it feel to say what you really mean?