How To Stop Taking Things Personally
Someone cuts you off in traffic. Your blood pressure spikes and you’re screaming. “I can’t believe that asshole did that to me. Learn how to drive!!”
The waiter takes a long time to bring your order. You’re fuming. They’re clearly ignoring you and paying more attention to the other more important tables. You’re offended and upset.
Your friend doesn’t text you back. They clearly hate you and are being rude.
We have a tendency to view things through our own lens.
It feels like things are all about us. People are doing things to us and their reasoning has nothing to do with them. The secret: they almost never are.
The other day I was talking to someone about my business concept at The CCC Miami and they started laughing. My ego would’ve wanted me to thing “she’s laughing at you. She hates your idea. It’s stupid. Protect yourself. Don’t let her near this place.” But I knew it wasn’t about that at all. This person felt insecure. They wanted me to question my own security. They wanted me to meet them in this place of self doubt. When I didn’t, the conversation transformed and ended really well. I was even given a compliment.
Imagine how it would’ve changed if you reacted with, “why are you laughing at me?!?!”
The next time you’re taking something personally, ask yourself these questions:
What am I feeling in this moment?
Is this something that typically makes me feel this emotion or something similar?
Does this person typically try to hurt or upset me?
When they did X, was it absolutely about me?
Is there anything I did that I need to investigate further? If I played a role, can I take responsibility for my part?
What else might be causing them to behave in this way?
Is this really about me? Can I be 100% sure it’s about me?
Should I give them this much power over my reaction and mood?
What would it be like to not react to this?
Do I need to discuss the issue with the other person or can I resolve my reaction on my own?
Every interaction you have with someone is a look into their inner world. Don’t mistake it for a look into yours.
If you find that you’re taking everything personally…it might be time to address that. Check out one of our amazing therapists. We’re here when you’re ready.