How To Tell People You're Sober
When you decide to get treatment for addiction or make a commitment to recovery, you likely hit a low point that you never expected. You didn’t decide to give up the pills, the booze, or whatever you enjoy because of one bad night out. Often there are many, many bad nights and days. There is financial distress, destroyed relationships, and a debilitating fear that you’ll never overcome this. The decision to get help is not an easy one and deciding how to tell people you are sober can be even more challenging.
Unfortunately, the general public does not fully understand alcoholism. They don’t understand addiction and they don’t understand sobriety. They don’t get why you can’t just have a glass of wine at dinner — they don’t get why you can’t control your consumption or practice moderation. They’re probably confused about why you can’t smoke weed when you “only” had a problem with alcohol. This can be discouraging when you leave treatment or decide to get sober.
Honestly, there are a million possible reasons why you don’t drink or use drugs, like a chronic illness or being on a certain type of medication. But when you’re sober after a period of substance abuse, you feel like this leper in the room that everyone is staring at thinking “omg why aren’t they drinking?!?!” You’ve just given up your number one coping skill for stressful situations. It’s scary.
When To Tell People You’re Sober
There are a variety of situations where you may have to deny substances or explain why you are sober. The holidays are primetime for being offered substances and using refusal skills. You may need to say no to the waitress, a friend, or family member. Each situation brings its own set of challenges and you may want to use different responses for different situations. I believe in planning ahead and role playing these scenarios. This will help you feel more comfortable when the moment arises.
Before we get into this…let me be clear…there is no right or wrong way to answer this and no one is entitled to your explanation. It may seem like everyone cares why you aren’t drinking, but often they can be silenced with a simple response.
How To Tell People You’re Sober
“I’m on medication.” – Truly no one wants to hear about your medication. This one will usually shut people up quickly. If they push you, repeat yourself.
“I’m driving tonight.” – A perfectly reasonable reason. Drunk driving isn’t cool.
“I can’t for medical reasons.” – This is another topic people don’t want to discuss at a party. If they press you, say “stomach issues.” That should shut it down.
“No, thanks.” – This one is the simplest and most reasonable. If someone presses you, use one of the previous three excuses.
“I’m allergic to alcohol; every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.” – (My all time favorite) It’s true and people will usually laugh or change the subject. Win, win.
“I am in recovery.” – Another amazing response. True and to the point. This may become your go to response as you move into long term recovery.
Using refusal skills and maintaining your sobriety is what is most important. Your responses may change over time and based on the situation. Say what feels right for you.
How do you tell people you’re sober?