Did You Grow Up In A Dysfunctional Family?: A Therapist Teaches You How To Heal From Family Dysfunction

This week I'm talking about dysfunctional families. Every family has a little dysfunction, but some of them are worse than others.

Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family?

Answer these questions to find out.

  • Did your caregivers say one thing and do another?

  • Did your caregivers show little to no empathy or understanding when someone made a mistake or fell short?

  • Was there very little communication about family issues or emotions?

  • Did you have a culture of pretending everything is fine even when it wasn't?

  • Were your caregivers addicted and/or did substances impact their parenting?

  • Were your caregivers unreliable?

  • Were your caregivers controlling?

  • Did it feel like nothing you did was good enough and there was an extreme culture of perfectionism?

  • Did you grow up with physical and/or emotional abuse or violence?

If you answered yes to a lot of those questions, you likely grew up in a home with a high level of dysfunction.

Why Is it important to know if you grew up in a dysfunctional family?

If you grew up in a home with excessive amounts of chaos and dysfunction, research shows that you're more likely to experience:

  • Low self esteem

  • Trouble forming healthy adult relationships

  • High levels of frustration or anger

  • Trouble focusing

  • Addiction

You're also more likely to repeat these patterns in your own family. You can read research on this, here and here.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, here is what you can do about it now.

If you want to start working on understanding your family patterns and creating a new family culture, here are some things you can do:

  • Learn how your family operates and what makes it dysfunctional. A therapist is a great resource for this.

  • Learn how to identify your emotions and accept them. This book is a great place to start.

  • Set boundaries with family when needed. It's a great exercise to learn what limits you need in your family and what people tend to bring out the most dysfunction. Here is a great book on boundaries.

  • Develop healthy communication skills.

  • Remind yourself that you are not doomed to repeat the past.

affirmations for anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family

  • I am not doomed to repeat the past. I can create a new family culture.

  • I am an adult now. I am no longer a child. I can set boundaries with people and keep myself safe.

  • I know what boundaries are important to me and I can set them when needed.

  • My family isn't a representation of who I am.

  • I get to choose who is a part of my "family" and they may not all be blood related.

  • My childhood was hard and it's over now.

where can I learn more about this?

I am hosting a webinar about healing from dysfunctional family systems on Tue, October 26, 2021 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM EDT. It will be recorded for anyone who can't attend live. Grab a spot here.

Whitney Goodman