What Happens When Parents Don't Support Their Child's Emotions

How did your parents respond to your emotions? 

Did they say things like:
You'e so dramatic
I'll give you something to cry about.
Stop crying.
It's not a big deal.
Grow up.

If your parents couldn’t handle your emotions or constantly said things like this, it wasn’t about you. You’re not too emotional and you had every right to feel what you felt. They didn’t have the tools to handle it or manage their own distress.

Take a moment to think about your own childhood.

  • How did your caregivers view emotions? Did they see them as valuable or problematic?

  • Did you see your caregivers express their emotions or hide them? What did their emotional expression or hiding look like?

  • Were there certain emotions that were not acceptable in your home or family?

  • Did your parents explicitly teach you or ask you about emotions? For example, did they teach you the names for certain emotions or how to process an emotion?

Take a moment to reflect on some of your answers to these questions.

  • What patterns do you notice?

  • Are you surprised by the answers?

  • Did you get a sufficient amount of education about feelings and emotions?

If you grew up in a household where there was little emotional education or emotions were denied or hidden, a couple of things may have happened.

  • You had less opportunities to learn about emotions

  • You worked very hard to identify and figure out what emotions your caregivers were experiencing

  • You became more skilled at recognizing others’ emotions

  • You learned to mask or hide your own emotions

  • You have trouble communicating about emotions as an adult

  • You have trouble labeling emotions and describing what you’re feeling

On the flip side, in homes where emotional expression is valued, encouraged, and taught, you may notice these qualities as an adult:

  • You are able to skillfully label and experience your emotions

  • You can speak about your emotions with others when it feels comfortable

  • Your parents acted in a coaching role and you know you can come to them with emotional concerns

  • Your emotions don’t usually take over your life and inhibit functioning

We know that parental involvement plays a huge role in how we experience and share our emotions. It can impact our productivity, relationships, and sense of self. The great thing is, it’s never too late to learn about your emotions and you can always rewrite what has been taught.

You can:

  • validate your own emotions

  • be around people who allow you to experience your emotions without shame or guilt

  • learn how to express your emotions in healthy ways depending on where you are and what you're doing

  • change the emotional culture within your own family as an adult

This is all from Module 1 of my"Emotions 101" Course.If you're interested in working on these things, you have until May 2nd tosign up for the course. I won't be offering this one again.

Have a great week,

Whitney

Whitney Goodman