How To Get Someone To Change Something

How do you get someone to change their behavior?

Guilt and shame aren’t really the best motivators for relational change. When you know your goal, you can augment your words and how you approach the situation.

Try this instead:

Let’s say I want my roommate to do the dishes. That is my goal. If I go in and start shaming them with, “you never do the dishes. You’re so lazy. I hate living with you!” I’m probably going to get some defensiveness, an argument, and little change.

But, if I know my goal is to get them to do the dishes more, I can say something like: “hey can we talk about splitting up who does the dishes? I’d really appreciate it if you washed your plates within 24 hours. Is that reasonable?” Then we can have a conversation about it.

When you’re approaching someone about a concern, an issue, something that bothers you, etc:
1. Define your goal.
2. Figure out the best way to get there.