How To Be Less Critical

Criticism is one of the main issues that leads to divorce. Once criticism becomes common in a relationship, it breeds like wildfire.

People typically focus on what their partner is doing and how they need to stop that behavior. The say things like, “you always do that” or “you never take me anywhere.”

Criticism leads to resentment and anger.

In our professional and personal lives, we will need to share complaints or critiques to initiate change. This is allowed and encouraged. Negative criticism or what some like to call “constructive criticism” is not the same as sharing your feelings or an opinion. Criticism is an attack on the other person’s character. It’s you applying your value system and using it to attack them as a person.

Criticism usually contains the words “always” or “never.” It’s a blanket attack that lacks specific details.

Feedback is another word for airing a grievance, a complaint, or a critique in a little bit gentler way. It gets you results way way faster too.

Remember, people who feel valued will lean in. People who feel devalued or criticized will push back.

We recommend using this chart to identify when you are being critical and to transform that criticism into valuable feedback.

*These guidelines are to be used in relationships where people have space to discuss and collaborate. They may not be effective in abusive relationships where there is a challenging power dynamic.